Throughout my three years in Monash and it’s endless group projects, there have been times where group mates refuse to cooperate.
With these type of people, it is common that no matter how many times you try to reach out, even as politely as possible; they almost never respond.
Or there are times when you’re so stressed but your friends don’t get the signal and continue to bother you.
So with the original phrase in mind, people tend to keep their annoyance or anger to themselves. There are also times when you can’t say it out to the person itself, so you either rant about it to your friend or (if going to the extreme) release your frustration on innocent people.
I’ve asked some of my friends who keep everything in as to why they don’t just voice out what they dislike about a person to them if it is that frustrating.
The response usually goes “Because I don’t want to hurt their feelings.” Which is very confusing because if the person found you secretly dislike parts of them, wouldn’t you end up hurting them anyway?
There’s reasons why it is always better to voice your frustration or annoyance rather than keeping it in.
One, being the obvious, is that if you keep holding it in the person would just keep doing it; if you don’t say that you dislike it. So in this aspect, no one’s going to get anywhere. If you let them know, they could possibly me more conscious of what they’re doing and figure out ways to fix it.
Second, if you end up ranting about this person’s action to your friend, it doesn’t really paint a good picture of yourself. You could be seen as being whiny rather than confronting your problems. Plus, there’s that whole quote where “If your friend can talk behind your back about someone else, they can do it to you too.” So really, isn’t it better to just face the problem head on?
Third, keeping your anger/annoyance/frustration to yourself does have a bad effect on your own health, mentally and physically. Mentally, the possibility of worsening your anxiety while physically could be an aspect that’ll shorten your life (a research done by University of Michigan).
Of course, this doesn’t apply for every time you’re annoyed with a person, especially if it is just thier nature. Just that if it is something that’s bothering you and other people to no end, it really is better for everyone to fess up. There are ways to say it in a nice manner if you’re too afraid of hurting them, sit down and explain it to them as much as you can. If they’re defensive about it, then it’s out of your hands, at least you’ve done what you could.
Personally, I would rather be blunt and point out a person’s flaw rather than putting myself at harm and have the other party constantly annoying me but be oblivious about it unless I blow up.
Communication is key.