Melons and Cucumbers: It's exactly what you think (or maybe not)

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Melons and Cucumbers: It’s exactly what you think (or maybe not)

Melons and Cucumbers: It’s exactly what you think (or maybe not)

Sex, baby, let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk about all the good things, and the bad things that may be. Let’s talk about melons and cucumbers.

Okay, we are all adults – or almost adults – we can talk about these things. Let’s not all gasp in fright here, because it’s not sex that we are going to be talking about. Instead, let us talk about nudity in pop culture, yeah? Once again, let’s not all gasp in fright here, because it is honestly not that big of a deal.

Now, let’s think about all the movies or television shows you’ve seen which contain nudity. Then let’s remember how many times your parents have walked in on you watching a movie or a television show just when there’s a nude scene or sex scene. I swear, the universe just has something against us. However, that’s not what we’re talking about here.

Anyway, ignore the parents-walking-in thing, and think about the nude scene that you may have watched or are currently watching (no judgment here). And what do we see?

Boobs.

We have a big problem – no puns intended.

In so many television shows and movies that are rated 18, we expect to see nudity, that’s a given. However, when we expect to see nudity, we also expect to see, mostly, boobs. Breasts. Tits. Jugs. Bahama mammas. Hooters. Busts. Twins. Melons. Whatever you call them, honestly.

And yet, where are the wieners? Penises. Dicks. Cocks. Tools. Bananas. Cucumbers. Once again, whatever you call it. The only times penises are seen on screen are in pornography. And I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it is time for Hollywood to learn something from the Pollywood – geddit?

For example, Game of Thrones. Sometimes we can get as many as three sex scenes in only one episode, and all we see are boobs. Or Fifty Shades of Grey, for that matter. If you are going to do a movie about sex, you better do it right, and you show one long close-up of Christian Grey’s dick to further emphasize on Anatasia’s first-person exaggerated description of his dong.

We see a number of gratuitous female nudity on screen, and that may seem normal, but it’s definitely not okay. It’s not fair to actresses, and frankly, it’s not fair to actors as well. This is a matter of gender equality here, people. If women can show their boobs, then men can very well show their penises on screen with pride.

And if there comes a day when they actually show one of them dongs, please don’t look like Steve Harvey. It is possible that you will see it for yourself on someone else, or you see it on your person.

Honestly, Hollywood needs to step up.