Well hello there, week 10! Is that finals I see on the sunny horizon? How did we get here? Didn’t the semester just start? I’m not freaking out you’re freaking out I’m sure you’re all holding out well, but for a small population of people (like me) who are free falling into the abyss of stress, I’ve compiled a mini handbook on how to deal with the bullet train of stress coming at chu!
METHOD 1: Avoid your responsibilities
How so, you ask? Haven’t you heard of the adage: “out of sight, out of mind”? Shove your unorganised lecture slides into a drawer and use your 100 Ringgit accounting textbook as a door stopper instead! As long as it’s not in front of you, you’re doing it right! Or better yet, avoid your responsibilities by writing about avoiding your responsibilities! (no I am not doing exactly that, silly!) Leave your work to the last minute, because by then you’ll have lived longer, and are now wiser, amirite?
METHOD 2: Take a never-ending nap!
Wanted to wake up at 5.00pm but it’s 5.03pm already? Oh well! Round it off and wake up at 6.00pm instead! (someone obviously isn’t very bright in maths)
(this guy is my hero)
METHOD 3: Cry your pain away!
Don’t you know that tears lubricate your eyes and make your skin as dewy and smooth as a baby’s butt????? You no longer have to sacrifice babies to get clear skin anymore! No more acnes & pimples! Your own tears can do the trick! It’s very much DIY and FOC, and you know what’s “in” these days? That’s right—saving money! So hip and c00l!
*****WE INTERRUPT THIS SEGMENT TO TELL YOU THIS IS A TERRIBLE GUIDE*****
But you probably knew that already.
In all seriousness though, please take the aforementioned methods with a grain of salt (but I mean we’ve all done them before???). Results have proven to be disastrous (points at self for emphasis)
Mental health is as important as physical health (this coming from someone who claims she is allergic to exercise, cough cough). If you’re feeling anxious or on the verge of a mental breakdown— stop what you’re doing and take a deep breath. If you work better by venting to friends/family/a counsellor, go ahead! If you work better my setting up more me-time, do that instead! You know you best, so don’t feel guilty for turning people down when you need some time for yourself to take everything in at your own pace. It’s okay to not be okay, you guys.
And better yet, the Winner’s Mindset event is happening on Monday and Tuesday, so do participate in it! The best part is that I heard there’re gonna be puppies!!!!!11!!!!!1!1!!
(omg i can finally use a doge meme)
Today’s article has been brought to you by low levels of sleep, bird’s nest’s hair and an abundance of stress!
Or you can just try soaking your brain in a bag of rice. Works like a charm!
*no babies were harmed in the making of this horrendous guide