One of the first few things you would remember from the golden years of the 9gag meme era was the constant reminder to not feed the trolls. But a [redacted]’s gotta eat, okay? What other platform best encapsulates the online presence of Monash students? Where else do you go to track down that one girl with Birkenstocks and a HUF snapback? Where else do you lodge complaints regarding campus parking? For many, Monash University Malaysia Confessions’ Facebook page comes to mind.
For an interview with one of the most notorious, yet faceless identities of Monash, one would naturally expect the nature conversation to take place like a pair of lovers from the 17th century – you use a pair of pigeons and pray that none of them gets shot down, or have your lover die from measles. Replies were almost, never instant, but they never disappoint. Pronouns were deliberately chosen to be confusing, and the times of reply were beyond witching hours. Based on the choice of vocabulary, it’s difficult to picture whether my replies came from someone who’s spent too many hours on Streetwear Stuff Malaysia, a BTS fangirl, or that person who shows up late to class in khakis and a pair of flip-flops.
If people said receiving a notification from your crush gives you jitters and makes your heart pound, my conversation with MUMC could be the very only thing that’s giving me a pulse during that very few weeks. Notifications from our chat would be the first thing I’d see upon waking up. How romantic was that?
LJ: Are you guys still up for an interview with Radio Monash this semester?
MUMC: Well, suppose if you guys are out of content and if MONGA editorial hasn’t reached out to us, why not?
LJ: Preferred medium of interview though? Prefer to stay anonymous and have the interview via a chat space, or do you want to meet up privately?
MUMC: Hahaha, we’ve always been living in the shadows of anonymity, and would preferably remain anonymous to preserve this secret sub-sub-sub-sub counsel of the Illuminati.
LJ: I totally understand, when would be a good time to conduct the interview?
MUMC: I think it’d be easier to have an ongoing interview, with no sort of set time of starting and ending. Maybe?
LJ: Alright, so I’ll start with the questions, and you could answer them every time you come online?
MUMC: I suppose that was your first question? If it was here’s the answer – yeah, it’s definitely better to answer whenever we come online, since we don’t really get notifications on our mobiles devices, to avoid prying eyes and exposing our identities.
LJ: Oh yeah, that actually makes a lot of sense. You definitely wouldn’t want a stray notification to pop up on your phone. Is it safe to say that MUMC is a collective of admins instead of a one-man show? I was wondering if it was more of a Gossip Girl Dan Humphrey situation or was it a group of y’all.
MUMC: Who knows? Maybe we do want the attention of exposing ourselves.
But based on whatever you have on us, it isn’t really safe to say that there’s a collective bunch of admins. This confession page could be run by just one old, sick narcissist. All in all, it’s more of a Dan Humphrey doing his own GG shizzles. But on a juicier side, some close friends did find out the admin’s identity – wrong place, wrong time. Hence, we don’t do notifications.
LJ: I literally brought up the Dan Humphrey reference so I could maybe try and gauge which youth demographic you fall under, hah!
MUMC: Well, nice try with finding a reference point to gauge, but nope, I’ve not watched Friends before.
(Editor’s Note: Blair Waldorf was my favourite Friend)
LJ: Now we’ve all seen the rise and fall of a neighboring campus’ confession page and kind of witnessed how some posts can really get out of hand – how has that changed the way you run things on this page? Also, any commentary on that incident?
MUMC: Yeah, the rise, fall and the rebirth of many confession pages. But honestly, compared with other confession pages, I honestly feel like our page has one of the most butt-hurt communities ever – to a point that every petty incident could offend someone, triggering an unwanted chain of events.
How it has changed, you ask? Nothing much has changed really, we just ignore stupid, random submissions. In fact, we’ve been ignoring a LOT of submissions – some people probably submit just to spite us. This page has been flagged countless times to a point of suspension due to readers who are butt-hurt. Besides that, a couple of Monash staff admins contacted us in regards to an old post that was ‘unassumingly’ targeting XYZ, although no charges were brought since there wasn’t credible evidence.
LJ: Oh, yeah I’m sure plenty would use this page as a platform for multiple reasons, and thanks for the elaboration. I was actually about to ask whether the school admins have ever gotten themselves involved, ha!
MUMC: Haha, but yeah. The admins were pretty professional. On a side note, we have heard that that there are admins in Monash who don’t like the idea of this confession page – but that’s all hearsay.
LJ: How do you feel about the tidal effect of these confessions though? Have you personally witnessed how a post has actually affected us students in real life?
MUMC: We always look at everything as satirical as possible. So far nothing tragic posted here has affected or pushed someone over a certain limit, nor has it contributed towards any form of terrorism. Or at least that’s how we’d like to believe. But on minor scale, people do tend to take offense for whatever reason that their shallow minds could comprehend.
LJ: Have you noticed a trend in the submissions as well? How do they go about?
MUMC: Of course! There will always be a trend. The trend typically follows on whatever’s trending on campus. Be it the MUSA elections, sports day, music festivals, or some random special event on campus.
LJ: Anything you’d wish people would stop submitting?
MUMC: Hahaha yes plenty! Deliberate hate confessions that are directed to certain individuals. Then there are the self-righteous and elitist confessions like as if the whole world owes them a living. You’ll be surprised at the number of racist submissions and spams we receive. Also, blank repetitive confessions!
LJ: How many submissions would you be receiving on a weekly basis? I think it’s quite interesting to kind of gauge the amount of submissions you receive and end up discarding.
MUMC: It all depends on the trend really. From a quiet week we get probably no more than 100, average of 200, and it could go up to 300~500, including spam, adverts, and posts that are just plain, like “Is the school of arts even necessary” or even “Hardest faculty in monash”. It’s childish on so many levels lol.
We honestly do encourage satirical content, the juicy kind, why are people lacking creativity nowadays? We’d end up receiving content from keyboard warriors.
LJ: Yes! I think it’s very easy to overlook that the actual stars of this confession page are the submissions itself, because what y’all do is just to curate and drive the flow of content.
MUMC: That’s exactly it! Crappy content leads to crappy traffic. We’d love to fabricate our own content, but that just defeats the purpose and the actual ‘reason’ of starting up the page. It’s like looking for attention. The only way we’d rather look for attention are just direct, sarcastic comments to each of these confessions.
LJ: And something for both of our readers: What’s the formula for a confession that will break the internet?
The Formula? Simple! E=MC^2 and also Y=mX+c, not forgetting F=Ma too! Jokes aside, the real formula is just really good content! Together with good content, they should be posted also at optimum timing during peak traffic flow, and the rest is up to the viewers how they choose to make it viral.
LJ: Also, any pre-selection rituals that the admins go through? Scented candles? Satanic chants?
MUMC: There’s really not much ritual to follow, if at a glance it seems legit, we post it, if it’s really TL;DR, we sometime just ignore incredible posts..
LJ: Do you have a favourite confession? One that’s particularly memorable?
MUMC: Honestly, there’s not one in particular, since there are many. Can’t really name one off the top of my head, but maybe it was the one about the “Guardians of Merciana”, during the time when Guardians of the Galaxy was released.
LJ: And just to end our interview on a high note: Will you now expose yourself?
MUMC: Ahhh… the one and only point of the key interview, who am I, but to reveal or not to reveal, that’s the key question. V for Vendetta, But I highly doubt I’d reveal myself anytime soon, maybe until a point where I get bored and would pass the baton to the next admin to administer the page.
No worries man, do let us know when the stuffs is up on air/posted!
A few weeks later came the MUSA Forum, where President Janesh made a few comments regarding MUMC. Being a messy person myself, I decided to pass the microphone over, a la Nicki Minaj.
And then dropped this bomb.
MUSA, what’s good?
Also, when I asked MUMC for a personal playlist:
The fact that you guys are airing music on the ‘radio’ is almost against the law unless there’s like some licensing done prior to the start of the club. Lol. #JustSayin’…
(Editor’s Note: Radio Monash is actually the only licensed campus radio station in Malaysia, ok!)
But if we did give you a random top ten playlist, you’d guest the character of us and can easily narrow down the journey of unveiling who we are LOL. But here’s the songs, in no apparent order, that we/I listen to
You can find the Monash University Malaysia Confessions HERE!